Havana Nights: After the Revolution
by Muddles
Summary: [ Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights ] What does the future hold for Javier and Katey? Life goes on after the revolution, but will it ever bring them back together?
1. After the Revolution

Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own anything regarding Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights.  They belong to er…someone else.  I'm just using them for my own entertainment purposes, so sue me.

Author's Note:  _Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights_ has been in theaters for just a short time so if you haven't see it yet—GO SEE IT!!! Stop reading this and go!  Get to a theater NOW!!  If you have, then you realize that the movie was left quite open-ended (like the first), which makes it perfect for fanfic writers the world over! Hurrah!  In any case, this is how the tale completes itself in my mind.  Hope you enjoy!

Chapter One

            Mama cried at night.  She thought we couldn't hear, but I could.  Susie always slept like a log.  I doubt she would have woken up for the revolution.  Sometimes I wondered what Mama was crying about, but then I decided I didn't want to know.  I had enough to deal with for the moment.

            It was hotels again for a while before Daddy's business finally got back on its feet.  Susie loved the hotel life.  Everyone loves Susie, she makes friends when she goes to the supermarket.  But I could tell she wasn't happy—-not happy in its sense of content.  I don't think she'd made lasting friends in Havana.  But she knew something was amiss with the family.  If she didn't hear Mama cry at night, she sure heard me.

            I knew it couldn't last.  The moment he touched my skin, I shivered.  I knew it was too good to be true.  Back in the States, I tried not to torture myself with the image of his smiling brown eyes and strong arms.  But more than knowing I would never again see him, was the _not _knowing.  I wanted to know if he was alive, how his family was doing.  Things were shaky and dangerous there; I couldn't get away from the fears.  The revolution was all over the papers.  Evening news dedicated its thickest hour to it and it was all Daddy's coworkers talked about.  I wished we wouldn't have them over for dinner so often.  Those were the nights Mama cried hardest.

            Finally came the news that the company had reassigned Daddy to a "permanent" position with the plant in Norfolk.  Wet, nautical Norfolk with funny accents and crowded with history and sailors.  I couldn't wait until I got my acceptance letter from my school.  Any school would do.  I'd applied to Radcliffe, as everyone knew.  It was really Mama's first choice, but I was willing to go anywhere that wasn't Norfolk and wouldn't remind me of Havana.  I wanted to dive headfirst into my education, and leave that winter far behind me.  But I'd filled out applications for Brown University to appease my father, as well as Mary Baldwin.  I hid, like so many of us did those days, that my preference was Catham, an all-girls college tucked into Virginia.  I didn't want to see couples holding hands all over campus.  My wound was too fresh.

            I began to wonder if he missed me.  I would sit by my window and try my hardest to remember every detail of his face.  I was afraid I'd begin to forget and that thought terrified me.  It also terrified me that he might not be doing the same.  I wished I could have total faith in him, but this was entirely new to me.  I had never thought anyone could love me like he did.  I never thought I could feel so completely free…

            "Katey?" Susie asked softly.  She broke my reverie gently.  My head snapped to the sound of her voice.  I was sitting on our window seat, one hand on the glass panes, trying to reach him.

         "Mama said we're going out to dinner and to get dressed," Susie said, watching me carefully.  She walked on eggshells around me.  I don't know if she thought I'd hit her or burst into tears.  Probably both.  I hate not having control and the fact that I couldn't make this right—-or even blame something—-killed me inside.

         "How soon?" I asked, thinking of my hair.  I hadn't washed it yesterday and it hung limply around my face.

         "Soon," Susie replied with a shrug.  She turned away and took a seat at the vanity, brushing her own soft locks.  Like Susie really needed any extra touch-ups.  I sighed and swung my feet to the wood panels.  Several boxes sat in the corner of our room.  I had unpacked right away, of course, but Susie took her time.  It was probably wise.  With our luck, we'd be up and out of this house in another 5 months.  And if they weren't, I sure would be…

         "Is Daddy coming?" I asked opening the closet and staring at my clothes.  My dance dresses were shoved to the back.  Norfolk was warm but I didn't think those dresses would go over well with the general public.

         "I think he's bringing his boss," Susie responded with a grimace.  "Which means the wife and kids, too, I bet."

         "Maybe he'll have a boy," I said, trying to lighten the mood.  I sifted through my dresses, not feeling up to another company dinner.

         "No doubt he'll be your age.  Either that or twelve."  Susie paused, watching me in the mirror.  I pulled out my teal gown, the "square" one.

         "Can I do your hair?" she asked meekly.  I turned around from the closet, holding the dress in front of me.  I gave her a tight smile.

         "Sure."

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Short chapter, but I'm looking for feedback.  If there's enough interest, I'll continue.  If not, I'll chuck it and finish it in my own mind.


	2. Join the Dance

Chapter Two

          The Moselys were nice but flat characters.  Mr. Mosely was friendly but had a head for nothing but Ford.  Mrs. Mosely had bright teeth that she flashed often.  I doubt that woman had an original thought in her head.  She nodded to whatever her husband remarked and answered listlessly when my mother asked if she were involved in any organizations.  And then the kids—Susie was partly right.  The Mosely's had an eleven-year-old son that preferred to squirm in his seat and adjust his bow tie every five minutes.  He picked at his fish and kicked his legs constantly.  He placed the napkin over his head and attempted an imitation of _Lawrence of Arabia_.  Only the Moselys were amused.

            After the meal, Daddy offered to dance with me.  As he came around the table to pull out my chair, Mrs. Mosely piped up.

            "Oh, what a shame Robert couldn't be here.  I'm afraid his absence caused an uneven number for partners," Mrs. Mosely said, flashing her teeth at me.

            "Our son Robbie is at Virginia Polytechnic," explained her husband.  Mama caught my eye and nudged my foot.  I followed orders and smiled beguilingly.

            "A college man, eh?" Daddy said, winking at Mr. Mosely as he took my hand and led me to the floor.

            "Try and smile a bit, could you, kiddo?" he said.  "You've been moping for the past three months.  How about you bring Margo to the next dinner?"

            Daddy was trying.  But he didn't understand.  He had everything he loved.

            "Three high schools in one year is an awful lot, I know.  But in just a few months you'll be at school for good.  You'll make much better friends there than you did in high school, anyway."

            "Daddy," I said, meeting his eyes.  His mouth was curved into a smile, but his blue eyes were crying out for me.  "I'll be happy… for you."

            His smile turned into one of grateful pity and he held me close.  

"But no more bosses' sons," I warned.  Daddy chuckled; I put my head on his shoulder and disappeared into the music.

~*~*~

            "Mail's here!  Mail!" Susie shouted frantically, running through the house.  I was busying working on a government essay when she ran into the room, dropping her schoolbag at the door.  I felt my heart jump.  I'd written to Javier nearly every day, sending letters off in hopes he'd get at least one.  I seriously doubted anything was yet running smoothly.  But there was always hope.

            "Three letters, all on the same day, can you imagine!" she shrieked, thrusting them towards me.  I could see return logos for Radcliffe, Brown, and Catham.  Not Javier.  I snatched the envelopes from her outstretched hand.  Not even Susie knew about my application to the all-girls college, but she'd probably already seen it.

            Susie took a seat on the bed and watched me with eager eyes.  I stared at the envelopes anxiously.  I could only wish that the other two were rejection letters.  They felt heavy in my palm.  I wasn't sure if that was just my imagination or reality.

            "Aren't you going to open them?" she asked finally.  I looked up and tucked hair behind my ear.

            "I guess I have to."

            "Want me to open one?" she asked.  I shook my head.

            "Want me to leave?" she questioned further.

            "No, stay.  I just need a minute."  I closed my eyes and shuffled the three envelopes facedown in my lap.  I picked one hesitantly and slid my finger along the glued edge.

            The letterhead was the logo of Radcliffe.  I swallowed nervously and my eyes grazed over the sentences.  I felt a weight lift from my stomach when I read that I'd been wait-listed.

            "No," I said quietly, trying not to smile.

            "No?  Radcliffe?" Susie said, her smile fading.

            "They only have so many positions open for females," I said, trying to sound as though I were rationalizing my loss.  "Besides, three high schools in one year.  They probably don't know what to think."

            "Mama will be disappointed."

            "I know," I said, picking up the next letter.  Brown.  This one wasn't as good.  "Brown accepted me."  

            Susie gave a squeal of excitement.  She jumped off the bed and gave me a tight hug around the neck.

            "I knew they had to take you!  Just wait until Daddy comes home!" she said, running to the door.  She had her hand on the doorknob before I thought clearly.

            "Wait!" I cried as she opened the door.  Susie gave me a confused look.  She closed the door and sat on the bed again.  I didn't explain, but rather opened the third envelope: Catham.

            I smiled when I saw the warm greeting and exuberant congratulations.  I glanced over the enclosed material, then folded the letter and returned it to the envelope.

            "I'm not going to Brown," I said confidently.  Susie's eyebrows shot toward her scalp but she wisely remained silent.

            "This is Catham.  It's a nice girls college here in Virginia."  My sister's jaw dropped to the floor.

            "But—Katey—you're so smart!  You'd be great at Brown!" she responded.

            "I thank you for the comment but Catham is a respected private college.  It may not be as prestigious as Brown but I can receive a much more personal education.  And I'll be closer to home."

            Home, right.  My home was wherever he was.  Was he in Norfolk?  I didn't think so.

            "But Daddy wants you to go to Brown," Susie said quietly.

            "And that's why it's going to be hard.  I'll just tell him I didn't get in," I responded quickly.  Susie frowned.

            "You promised no more lies, Katey."  This caught me off guard.  That much was true.  It was easy to tell Mama I didn't get into Radcliff.  It would have been easy to tell her no.  But to tell Daddy?  How could I tell him I didn't want to go to Brown?

            "I can't go to Brown.  I won't be happy there.  I know it.  Just because it's prestigious doesn't mean it's for me.  I just want to—forget."

            "Don't lie to him, Katey.  He'll find out," Susie emphasized.  She was right.  I swallowed and shrugged.

            "I'll…think about it," I finally resolved.

            Dinner that night was tense.  Mama knew I got my letters and I could see her chomping at the bit, waiting for me to say something.  Susie broke the ice.

            "Are you going to tell or do I have to?" she finally asked.  Daddy gave her a confused look.

            "What's that, Susie?"

            "I got my letters in the mail today, Daddy," I spoke up, wiping my mouth with a napkin.

            "Is that so?  Well what's the big news?" He said, putting down his fork.  I took a deep breath.

            "I got wait-listed at Radcliffe," I said, with a look at Mom.  Her face fell slightly.  "But Brown accepted me."

            At that, both my parents cheered considerably.

            "Congratulations, Katey.  We knew you could do it," Daddy practically boomed with pride.

            "That's wonderful, Katey.  You'll excel wherever you go," Mama encouraged.

            "_But_," I interjected their praise, "I was also accepted at Catham.  And…that's where I want to go."

            Their praises fell silent.  

            "You didn't tell us you applied to Catham.  What—-where—-what is Catham?" Mama asked.

            "It's a nice girls college in Virginia.  I'd be much closer to home than I would at Brown," I added quickly, glancing at Daddy.  He was watching me closely.

            "But _Brown University_, Katey," Mama continued.  "An ivy league school.  You'd have no problem keeping up with the work, is that your concern?"

            "No.  Brown may be a great school—-for someone else.  Catham is a nice quiet campus in the mountains.  It's much smaller but just as nice.  I could get a much more personal education," I explained.

            "But how can you give up such a prestigious school for some podunk college in the middle of nowhere?"

            "It's what she wants, Jeannie," Daddy responded.  "Are you sure about this, Katey?"

            "Yes, Daddy.  I'm sorry.  I just couldn't tell you two.  You both wanted me to go to famous schools, I just didn't know how to tell you."

            "It's your education and your future.  You should make your own decisions.  I'm glad you applied to Catham.  Now, just exactly how much is this going to put us in the poor house?" Daddy smiled gently.  For the first time in weeks, I really smiled.  I pulled the envelope out of a pocket in my dress and excitedly showed him the school's brochure.

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A/N: Still own nothing but the Mosely's and Catham.  This is the first time I'm writing a story as I go.  Normally I have several chapters set up when I first post.  So, if this takes awhile, you have my apologies.  Thanks for all the reviews, I'm glad you guys seemed to enjoy the movie as much as I did.  Your reviews/encouragement really made me smile.  But so far I'm having fun writing this.  Hope you like reading it! ;-)  


	3. I Will Dance Again

Chapter Three

          Later that night, I crawled under my covers tiredly.  I'd spent most of the night selling Mama to the idea of Catham.  By the end, she was pretty excited about the wide range of classes offered.  She said the school even sounded familiar, and she'd check for any connections there.  Things finally felt right…almost.

            "Do you miss him?" a voice asked as I settled into my cool sheets.  Susie had gone to bed over an hour ago.  Startled a bit, I turned to look at the bed across from me.

            "Every minute," I responded honestly.

            "But, Katey…you knew you'd leave him when you went away to college," Susie remarked thoughtfully.

            "We'd talked about coming back to the States together.  He could find a job in the plant.  He knows a good deal about cars," I said, smiling as I thought of the Suarez home auto center.

            "Do you love him?" Susie asked.  I paused.  I wouldn't have given myself to him if I didn't love him.

            "I don't know…I mean, I know what love is…but this love is different than anything I've known before.  I love you and Mama and Daddy but this…it's being miserable without him, longing for him, and seeing him everywhere.  I guess it is.  I want to know what he's thinking…I want to know what he's feeling…I want to know everything.  It's like…the ocean.  The deeper I dive, the more I see to explore."  The words cascaded out of my heart and onto the soft night air spilling into the room over our windowsill.  I heard Susie breathing and thought she'd fallen asleep while I'd rambled.

            "I…I wish I felt like that about someone," she said quietly.  The image of Susie and a boy together like me and Javier scared me.  Suddenly I realized what Mama and Daddy must have thought.  I still thought of Susie as my baby sister.  The key being _baby_ sister.

            "You will.  We've got a great example to learn from," I said fondly.

            "Why didn't he come with you?  Doesn't he love you?" Susie asked.  My fond reflection now turned to stinging heartache.

            "Yes.  He has to take care of his family.  They need him.  They…they need him.  More than I do," I said, my voice trembling.  I turned over to stare at the window.  I wanted to forget more than anything.  I felt the medallion slip from my left shoulder to my right.  It clinked against its metal chain lightly as it landed.  Absently, my hand took the pendant between thumb and forefinger.  I rubbed its familiar shape and wished I didn't have it at all.  It was just another reminder of the distance.

            "Katey?" Susie whispered quietly, probably afraid I'd fallen asleep.  I took a deep breath and rolled over to face her again.  "I'll miss you when you go to college.  It's going to be so lonely around here."

            "Yeah, right.  You'll have friends over twice as much because you'll have someplace for them to sleep.  Mama and Daddy will probably take you out every other night."

            "I won't be able to get them away from me!  They'll watch every step because there won't be anyone else to distract them," Susie scoffed.  I had to laugh at that; it was closer to the truth.

            "Katey, I wish I could make you happy again.  But you know…you know, if Javier came back right now he wouldn't recognize you.  You're so somber…so sad these days."  I could dimly make out Susie's form on the opposite bed.  She had propped her head up on her right hand, too awake to just lie down.  I didn't answer her.  She'd said his name.  The name my family had avoided for months, there it was.  I'd barely allowed myself to say it.

            The truth of her statement hit me hard.  What would Javier say if he could see me?  He'd be angry.  His society didn't hold much in self-pity or wallowing of any kind.  He'd tell me to get on my feet and dance again.

            "Good night, Katey.  I love you," Susie said quietly.  She laid her head on her pillow and rolled away to face the door.

            "Good night," I tried to whisper, but I don't think the words carried much further than my own lips.  I sighed and resolved to heal.

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A/N:  Wow, you guys are great!  Padawan Pippin, gold star for making me grin.  And Arianna, perhaps I should clarify.  Where I see this going is really Katey's story, so I won't be switching over much to Javier's POV (if you were wondering that at all).  But Javier is coming, don't worry about that ;-) I'm also writing this as it comes to me which is a little different than I've written my past few stories.  In any case, the ending is there but it just has to be believable first.   And if any of you decide to write a _Havana Nights_ ff, lemme know.  I love this movie and am interested in what other pictures my fellow artists paint!


	4. I Hope You Dance

Chapter Four

          After moving "permanently" to Norfolk, I heard less of Mama's crying.  During the day she no longer looked so haggard and worn.  I'd attributed all this to our final move.  Even Susie got sick of roving, though she'd never say so.  We'd established residence March 12th and by March 15th, I didn't hear her crying.  Though I think after the Mosely's dinner on the 23rd she was ready to throttle Daddy if he accepted any more dinner invitations.

But she was in great spirits for her birthday, April 10th.  We celebrated with a big to-do.  Daddy got reservations for all of us on the Spirit of Norfolk so we could dance and dine away the evening.  At the table, Susie didn't hide her distaste about the band and wished they'd play something more upbeat.  I had to agree.  I wasn't asking for a Latin Salsa but the band didn't play much except renditions of Rosemary Clooney or Frank Weir's Orchestra.  Needless to say, they could do with some updating of their stand music.  But it didn't phase Mama.  She beamed all night long and I hadn't seen her this happy since…well, since Havana.  She and Daddy spent most of the night on the dance floor, blissfully ignorant of the rest of the world.  I couldn't help but wonder if her pillow would be tear-stained tonight.  Meanwhile, Susie was looking a little green around the gills.  But, the trooper that she was, Susie was determined not to ruin Mama's day.  I couldn't believe the kid couldn't handle an easy coast on the Elizabeth River, but who was I to criticize?  I'd spent the last three months holed up in my room, waiting for the world to come to an official end.

         "Katey?" Susie leaned over and whispered around eight.  "I'll be…out for a bit."

         "OK.  We're not going anywhere," I said, trying not to be amused at her discomfort.  I scanned the dance floor with disinterest.  Most of the people were middle-aged couples: people my parents' age or older.  I did see one young couple dancing on the other side of the floor.  Their heads were tipped close together as though sharing a deep secret.  And for the first time in weeks, I felt happy for them.

         "Katey?  Where is Susie?" Mama asked as she and Daddy returned to the table.  Mama sighed as she sat.  I noticed she slipped her feet out of her constricting pumps.

         "My feet are killing me," she whispered as Daddy sat across from us.  "Guess they're not the young instruments they used to be."

         "They're not alone," Daddy said, smiling at her.  

"Susie's getting some air," I explained, answering the inquiry.  Daddy nodded and let out a breath of exhaustion as he leaned back in his chair.

"So, kiddo, know any friends that are going to Catham?" he asked with a wink.

         "No.  Most of the girls in my high school…I don't think they're going to college.  If they do, they'll probably go at home, learn how to be a secretary then get married and have babies."

         "You sound disapproving," Mama said with marked concern.  I frowned and shook my head.

         "No, not disapproving.  If that's what they want to do.  But some of those girls…I wonder if they know what they want."

         "Do you?" Daddy asked.  I tried not to blush, knowing that I immediately thought of Javier.

         "Well, not entirely, I suppose.  I'm majoring in English.  I think…I think I'd like to be a journalist."

         "You've never mentioned this before," Mama said with a curious smile.

         "I've always liked English.  And done well in it," I responded.

         "I didn't say you didn't," Mama answered smoothly.  She gave a fluff to her hair before glancing at her delicate wristwatch.

         "My, where did the evening go?  I suppose we'll be back at the dock before long."

         "For Susie's sake, I hope so," Daddy answered.  He smiled as my sister returned to the table.  "Speak of the devil.  How you feeling, baby doll?"

         I loved Daddy's nicknames for us.  I'd always been "kiddo."  I guess because it started with a "K," but I was always more comfortable with it than anything else.  Gran used to try and call me "darling" or "pumpkin" but it just never felt the same as Daddy's "kiddo."

         "I'm OK," Susie said, brushing her hair away from her face.  "Are we back yet?"

         What Mama didn't know was I had neglected to mention the dance Saturday night.  It was, apparently, my school's annual "Spring Fling."  They celebrated with a big basketball game Friday night and dance Saturday.  And I'd been asked.  I think that was mainly Margo's doing.  Margo had a boyfriend and didn't want me to feel left out.  She arranged a date with a Michael Hamilton.  Our school wasn't big, but I couldn't recall having heard of him before.  In either case, he, along with Margo and her date, were picking me up Saturday evening.  I had no idea how to tell my parents.  I could just imagine the raised eyebrows, Susie's giggling behind her hand, and Daddy clearing his throat numerous times thinking of something to say.  So I did the only logical thing…I waited until the last minute.  And only because I had to tell.  I supposed whoever picked me up Saturday expected to meet my parents.  Friday night, Daddy opened the can of worms…

         "Don't worry about dinner Saturday, Jeannie.  The Moselys invited us to dinner again tomorrow.  They wanted to try a new dinner spot called The Blue Cabana.  Apparently, they'll be bringing their son Robbie.  You know, the college man," Daddy said that night at dinner with a wink.  I dropped my fork in astonishment.  It clattered to the floor indiscreetly and I fumbled trying to pick it up.  I knew my cheeks were flushed when I returned upright.

         "Are you all right, Katey?  You positively had a fit," Mama said in disbelief.  "And you're flushed."

         "Katey's got a secret," Susie said knowingly.  I shot my sister a death glare.

         "What's going on?" Daddy asked, his tone stern.

         "Well, it's nothing big.  I just didn't know how to tell you guys.  I, er…well, it's the spring fling tomorrow night.  And I…have a date.  It's just a boy Margo knows and kind of…set me up with," I responded quickly.  I stared at my plate as the words tumbled off my tongue.

         "Oh!" Mama said.  "Well.  I wish you'd told us earlier. I could have taken you shopping."

         "I'm just going to wear my pink dress.  The one I bought…for the competition," I said, swallowing hard.

         "That's fine.  I'm sure the Mosely's will understand.  I didn't make any promises on anyone's behalf yet," Daddy said nonchalantly.  "You have a good time tomorrow, Katey."

         I released the breath I'd been holding and chanced a look at Susie.  She was smirking to herself.  I laughed inwardly, thinking of how that poor Robbie Mosely would feel when a fifteen-year-old threw herself at him.

         But Mama wasn't exactly content.  She frowned and took a sip of her ice water.  I watched her carefully replace the glass exactly on the water spot in the tablecloth.

         "Katey, I wish you'd have more respect for this family," she said, finally breaking the silence.  Susie's head snapped up from her plate.  She clearly did not want to miss a minute of this.

         "I don't—I'm sorry, Mama," I stammered quickly.  She frowned and shook her head slightly.

         "I realize you'll be leaving for college soon, but I don't appreciate your secrecy.  All this slinking around…"

         "I wasn't slinking anywhere!" I said defensively.  I glanced at Daddy for help but he was watching Mama with a bewildered expression.  I was on my own here.

         "You didn't tell us about this date until the night before.  What if your father had promised Mr. Mosely you'd be there?  I'm sure he's going to feel pretty embarrassed when he has to tell his boss he doesn't know his own daughter's plans.  Not telling us about your young man in Havana was clearly the tip of the iceberg."

         Iceberg was right.  The air had fallen to a cold chill in the room.  Susie ducked her head and took a bite of her roll.  My eyes scanned over the ivory tablecloth and the meticulous china positioned atop it.  I could feel Mama's eyes boring into me from across the table.

         "Jeannie…" Daddy reached a hand out to Mama.  She pulled away and leaned both her arms on the table.  

         "Stop," she hissed at him brusquely.  "Katey, look at me."  Mama and I had always gotten along before…what was going on these past few months? Normally I would obediently shrink from her, but tonight I squared my shoulders and met her eyes.

         "Do you understand?  I want this to end now.  It's deception and disobedient and I will not stand for this.  You may be an adult, Katey Miller, but you still live under our roof.  You are part of this family and I'd like you to have a little more respect for it."

         This outrage came from nowhere and I wanted to shout right back at her.  But it would have done no good.

         "It was not my intent to disrespect you or Daddy," I said evenly.  I tried to hear the words in my own head before I laid them before the wolves.  "I'm sorry and I promise to be more cooperative with my plans."

         "That is just the attitude I'm talking about," Mama said, pointing at me.  Now, this took me back.  "This condescending attitude.  Why don't you just grow up?  We've all made sacrifices, Katey, so why don't you just stop pretending like you're the only one?"

         Mama shook her head and pushed her chair away from the table.  She flung her napkin onto the table with disgust.  She threw up her hands and stormed out of the room.  I watched her go with confusion.  Sometimes what I said didn't come out how I wanted it to sound but I didn't think—

         "Daddy?" I turned to him again, confused.  He shook his head sadly and stood from the table.     

         "Excuse me, girls.  Why don't you two finish and clean the dishes, hm?"  Susie looked up and nodded.

         "You should have just kept your mouth closed," she said, once Daddy had followed Mama out of the room.

         "What did she want me to say?  'Yes ma'am?'" I hissed, standing from the table with my plate in hand.  Susie smirked.

         "Yeah.  She didn't want an answer.  She just wanted you to cower and oblige her," Susie said coolly.  I sighed.  There was no winning with Mama.

         "Where's Javier when I need him?" I muttered, as I clattered the china dishes together while stacking them.

          "Dancing," Susie said lightly.  I glared at her, trying to shut that mouth of hers with my mental powers.  She smirked and just took the dishes from my hands and began helping me with the chore.  I sighed and glanced toward the doorway through which Mama and Daddy had exited.  Why was nothing in my life ever normal?

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A/N: Since I had this chapter ready I'm going ahead and putting it up.  I don't know when the next time I will be able to update but I'm working on it, believe me!


	5. Dancing With Myself

Chapter Five

          There was shouting that night.  They never shouted.  I knew Mama and Daddy had fights.  Little spats now and then, who didn't?  But shouting?  Maybe the walls in the house were unusually thin.  But Mama was more than just angry tonight.  She was enraged.  Susie went to bed before they got into the real meat of the argument.  As I was slipping into my bed after studying for my statistics test Monday, I could hear Mama's raised tones from down the hall.  It was hard to make out what she was saying.  I don't think I wanted to know anyway.  Underneath Mama's rage was Daddy's soothing tenor.  It rumbled underneath her frantic squawking, trying to make some sense out of everything.  The play completed with a slam and tread of footsteps in the hallway.  I heard the soft click of a door and guessed that Daddy was spending the night on the couch in his study.  I sighed, rolled over to face the window, and tried not to count down the days until graduation.

         The next morning, everyone pretended things were fine.  Daddy drove to the hardware store to buy paint for the backyard shed.  Susie slept until nine and then hopped on her bike to visit Mary.  Mama was busy ironing while listening to Benny Goodman on the radio.  I watched in amusement to see her upper body meticulously attending to her chore, while her hips and feet slightly moved to the rhythm.

         "Morning, Mama," I said cautiously.

         "Well, it's about time!  I suppose you need your beauty sleep," Mama replied with a wink.  Sure, OK.  If she wanted to be fine with everything, why shouldn't I?

         "I guess.  When you're done with Daddy's shirts, could you leave out the iron?  I want to press my dress a little.  It's all wrinkled from packing."

         "Just put it here, honey, and I'll get to it.  I suppose you and Margo have some primping to do," Mama said slyly.

         "I—Margo didn't—Michael isn't coming until four-thirty," I stammered.

         "You'll need a little more time to get ready.  This is more than just a dance competition."

         Well, it certainly wasn't my wedding.  A date.  With a guy I didn't even know.  Or want to impress.  But I wasn't about to argue.

         "I guess I'll call Margo and see what she has in mind," I replied.

         "Good plan.  Now go get that dress."

         As I laid the dress on the pile of wrinkled shirts, a sudden fear struck me that Mama would sabotage the dress.  I shook this off and left the garment with a smile before calling Margo.

         "Margo?  What—how long will it take to get ready?" I asked hesitantly.

         "Glad you called.  How about I come over and we can do hair and makeup?"  The idea would thrill my mother to death.

         "Sure, I responded and tried to think positively.  Maybe Mama would stay out of my hair if Margo were here. 

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

A/N: I know it's short! I'm sorry!  School work, bah humbug!  Hope to have another chappie up soon!


	6. Dancing in the Dark

Chapter Six

          Michael arrived with Todd, Margo's guy, promptly at 4:30.  He nodded and smiled and looked all the part of charm.  I could see Susie practically swooning over his tall, sandy-haired good looks.  His tanned skin offset his beaming olive green eyes, and I had to admit he looked every bit the part of gorgeous beach bum.  My parents loved him.  Michael slipped the corsage around my wrist and Mama practically got misty.  Forget that I'd never met him before.  I could the see the wedding bells in her eyes.

          "A pleasure to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Miller.  Hope to see you again," Michael said as he escorted me to his car.  Todd and Margot slipped into the backseat and we were off to our dinner and dance.  Michael was plenty nice.  He made easy conversation, laughed at all the right times, and complimented me just enough.  I didn't want to trust him or even like him, but he was certainly making it difficult.

          At the country club, I was pleased to find out he made for a horrible dancer.  He took huge steps and I nearly ran out of breath trying to keep up at times.  Slow songs were awkward and he did little else but sway to and fro.  If he'd been an exceptional dancer I would have regarded it all as a façade and searched desperately for flaws.  Instead, I accepted the revelation and, remembering Susie's admonishment, tried to enjoy the evening.

          "That's an interesting medallion," Michael said when we sat down.  I had completely forgotten to take off Javier's necklace…or had I?  Part of me would have felt like betraying him.  Hiding the one tangible part of him at home while I was out on a date.  In response to Michael's comment, I blushed and clutched the pendant.

          "Thank you," I choked out.  What could I say?It's my boyfriend's?  I got it in Havana?  It's the equivalent to wearing a ring?  And the term "boyfriend"—there was no doubt in our actions.  He had to be_._  But it was too awkward for me to say.  Which caused me to wonder, was he referring to me as his girlfriend?When exactly is it appropriate to mention ex-boyfriends or long-distance relationships?Things they never taught in etiquette classes were suddenly violently important.

          "Are you Catholic, then?" Michael asked.

          "Well, yes.  But I…I don't know what Margo told you.  Come to think of it, I'm not sure what I told Margo…" I paused, trying to remember if I'd ever told her about Javier.

          "Pardon?"

          "What I'm _trying_ to say is, I have a boyfriend back in Havana.  This is his," I finally blurted and clasped my hands demurely in my lap.

          "Oh.  It's OK, Margo told me you had a guy.  But he's not here tonight," Michael said innocently.

          "No.  But—well, I do like you, but I think you should know upfront that I'm not into dating anyone at the moment.  We're trying to make this work."  Trying. Right.  I hadn't heard from him in three months and had no idea if he was even getting my letters.

          "Fair enough," Michael obliged.  He glanced out at the floor.  "You are tired as I am?"

          I nodded and we sat and chatted for a duration.  Margo and Todd joined us after awhile and we all decided we'd had enough.  Todd suggested stopping by Scoop's for an ice cream, an idea we all approved.  The April night was too warm to pass up and we sat on Michael's car licking our ice cream cones.  Michael and I leaned against the hood while Margo and Todd took the trunk.  Todd had slung an arm around Margo and the two gazed upward between licks of their cones.

          "So where are you going to college?" Michael asked, catching a dribble of vanilla running down the cone.

          "Catham.  It's an all-girls school in Virginia," I explained, licking the fudge ripple off my lips.

          "Get out!  I'm going to play baseball for Benedict's.  It's about a half hour down the road," Michael responded.  "Freshmen can't have cars, though.  Maybe if I make friends with a sophomore we can get together a few times."

          "Yeah, it might be nice to get away now and then," I responded off-hand.

          "Promise I get your phone number as soon as you get it?" Michael teased.  I gave an awkward smile.

          "Promises are for the weak," I answered, trying to dodge any commitments.  The restaurant parking lot was starting to clear out and I couldn't help yawning a few times.  After a few moments of silent star-gazing, I felt Michael's hand creep over mine.  Trying to think quickly, I hugged my arms close.

          "I think a breeze is starting to pick up," I said, glancing around as if trying to find the source of it.  

          "Here," Michael said, slipping his arm around my shoulders.  Great.  I was really proving myself completely inexperienced.  He was a nice guy.  A great guy, actually.  But the moment he touched me, I remembered Javier.  And the touch wasn't the same.  Not even close.

          "Oh!  I told Javier I'd call him tonight," I said suddenly.  It was a lie of course.

          "I thought promises were for the weak," Michael teased.

          "What can I say?  He just has that effect," I said sappily.  Inwardly, I gagged at my own syrupy response.  Michael nodded and slipped his arm off my shoulders.  I breathed a sigh of relief, and realized I'd been holding my breath anxiously.

          "Ready to go, love birds?" Michael called over his shoulder.  Todd and Margo slipped off the trunk and held hands as they climbed into the backseat.  Michael dropped them off at Todd's house so he could drive Margo home.  When he pulled into my driveway, he turned off the car.

          "I really like you, Katey.  You can expect to see me again.  Especially if it doesn't work out with Havana."

          "Javier," I supplied quickly.  I could see he tried to mask his annoyance.  I looked away and opened my door.  He followed suit and quickly came around the side of the car and walked me to my front door.

          "I'm sorry, Michael.  I did have a good time tonight.  Maybe we can keep in touch," I offered guiltily.

          "Count on it," he nodded curtly and turned on his heel back to his car.  So apparently all you have to do is get yourself one man and the rest flock to your door.  I sighed and unlocked the front door.  I waved to Michael's headlights as I entered the house.

          Raised voices again.  I looked up to see Susie sitting on the stairs, looking a tad frightened.  I started to speak and she shook her head violently and pressed a finger to her lips.  She patted the stair next to me and I obeyed.

          "What's going on?" I whispered.  She shook her head again.  I could barely hear Mama and Daddy's argument through the several layers of wall separating us from the hallway behind the front staircase.  Suddenly the sound of a door opened and the voices came through much clearer.

          "Would it kill you to think about the family once in awhile?" Mama said hotly.  I could hear as the moved the argument to the kitchen.

          "Jeannie, it's all I ever think about.  Why do you think I moved the family here?  It was the only place we were guaranteed at least five years," Daddy responded.  His tone was pleading with Mama.

          "All you ever think about," Mama scoffed and slapped the kitchen counter.  "I was sick and tired of moving, but did I say anything? No.  I was sick and tired of listening to all your empty-headed coworkers babble about their lovely homes and families while smiling like a fool.  I told people that moving was actually good for the girls.  It broadened their cultural horizons."

          "But why—"

          "I'm sick and tired of lying.  Both of us, Bert.  Don't tell me all you ever think about is the family.  All you ever think about is Katey.  You have worn yourself thin just trying to make her happy."

          Susie's wide eyes grew wider as we heard this accusation.  She clutched my wrist anxiously.  This time I shook my head as I felt tears smart my eyes.

          "Jeannie, that is not true."

          "You know it's true!   You know it!  All you live for is her approval.  She got herself a—a young man and your jealous heart hasn't been able to get over it.  You can't live with the fact she's growing up," Mama spat.

          "Don't drag Katey into this, Jeannie.  If you're angry at me—"

          "I _am_ angry at you, Bert.  And I didn't drag Katey into this, you did!  You did by putting her needs above the rest of us.  Guaranteed five years.  You moved here because Katey would be in the best standing in her school and other various reasons that you thought she'd be happy here."

          "I thought you liked it here," Daddy said.

          "Bert, I am your wife.  It's my job to go where you go and make the best of it.  It is my job to put you first.  But I'll be gosh darned if I watch you put your injured pride above this family," Mama said harshly.  I could hear her voice breaking.  Susie's fingers were dug tightly into my fist.  I fought back tears and wished I could disappear into this staircase.

          "Katey is grown up.  She is a woman, Bert.  And she is going to leave us," Mama said, her voice failing.  "She's…going to leave us."

          Suddenly Mama was crying.  Susie and I continued to listen as Mama sobbed openly.  I could practically see Daddy step towards her and put his arms around her.

          "Jeannie," he said simply.  Mama continued to cry and we listened intently as Daddy led her back into the bedroom and shut the door.

          "Katey," Susie whispered, and turned to me with wide eyes.  I stood and wordlessly ascended the steps to our room.

          "Katey," Susie repeated, following me into the room.  I began to undress, pulling the pins out of my hair.

          "Mama doesn't hate you," Susie said firmly, stepping behind me.

          "Of course not," I responded, trying to sound nonchalant.  Susie watched me dubiously.  I finally met her eyes in the vanity mirror and felt myself break.  For everyone, that was the night of the nuclear meltdown.


	7. Devils Dance

**A/N**  My sincerest apologies for taking so long to update this.  Hopefully there won't be such an extensive gap between chapters again! (knock on wood)

Chapter Seven

            It was all so embarrassing.  I hid my shame as best I could, as much as I loved Mama—it wasn't something you exactly advertised.  Daddy didn't get much sleep while Mama was away.  The neighbors still waved to us in the morning—they didn't know.

            No one went to therapists then.  Only people with _problems_, and goodness knows the only "problem" people had back then was getting the paper on time.  Mama spent a few nights in a hospital or home of some kind.  Daddy discreetly got the name of a therapist from a social worker affiliated with the company.  Mama had sessions weekly and came home after 6 days out of the house.  The day before Mama came home, Dr. Rogers requested to speak to the whole family.

            We arrived at his office nervous and grim-faced.  Susie had brought a magazine with her but flipped through it absently while we waited in the room.

            "Dr. Rogers is ready for you," the secretary said, looking at us with a smile.  Daddy rubbed his knees then stood.  The secretary gave him a patronizing smile.

            "Just the girls, Mr. Miller," she added.  Daddy expelled a breath of air and grinned at us.

            "Well, girls, go ahead then," Daddy said, trying to shrug.  His shoulders were too tense and it came off as more of a nervous twitch.  The secretary came around her desk and knocked on the door before opening it.

            "Susie and Katey Miller," she said, ushering us into the room.  Dr. Rogers looked up from his desk with a smile.  I was surprised to see how young he was.  Lines were beginning to form around his eyes, which belied an inner youth.  His trim brown hair was parted on the side with just a few wisps of gray along his temples.

            "Please have a seat, ladies," he said, motioning to the smooth leather armchairs in front of his desk.  The walls of his room were lined with bookshelves.  Books of every color and size stood silently, watching.  The nice leather-bound editions were lined stately behind his desk.  _Moby Dick_, _Great Expectations_, _Canterbury Tales_, I read.  I glanced back at Dr. Rogers and noticed him watching me with a smile.     

            "Do you like to read?" he asked.

            "I love books," I answered honestly and clasped my nervous hands in my lap.  Susie looked at me silently observing, then back at Dr. Rogers.

            "Well, ladies, I thought it appropriate if we talked about your Mother," he said, getting down to the brass tacks.  He folded his hands and rested them on the desk.  His form was leaned forward slightly as his gaze shifted between us.

            "Naturally," Susie quipped.  I raised an eyebrow at her and I saw the conflicting emotions of anxiety and cool mingle on her face.

            "I know this must be a very awkward situation for you, and I think it might be a good idea for you two to understand what's going on.  Your mother suffered from nothing short of extreme situational anxiety.  Any comments directed for you, Katey, were not only not meant for your ears," Dr. Rogers said, addressing me directly.  I could feel an insuppressible blush creep across my cheeks.

            "But they were also only a symptom of her anxiety.  She wasn't thinking clearly; she was in the midst of a breakdown."

            "What does this mean for us?" Susie blurted out.  Dr. Rogers nodded smoothly.                        "I'm coming to that.  But I want you to understand what caused this," he responded coolly.

            "It was the holiday season when the revolution occurred.  The holiday season takes a heavy toll on nerves.  Add that to having to uproot suddenly in the midst of a national crisis, and it wouldn't surprise me if one would need a vacation just to unwind.  But your mother didn't have time to unwind."

            Dr. Rogers picked up a yellow file and sifted through the papers inside it.  His eyes grazed over the words on it before he spoke again.

            "You moved from Havana back to St. Louis, then New York.  After New York, Denver, then back to St. Louis, until you came here to Norfolk.  That's 5 cities in a matter of two months.  Moving, constantly meeting new people, and the prospect of your father's job in jeopardy added to her mental and emotional load.  And now you, Katey, will be heading to college in just a month.  At the beginning of June, am I right?" he asked, his voice kind but wise eyes piercing.

            "Yes, sir," I responded gently.  Why did I feel like this was an interrogation?

            "That's an exceptionally emotional time for a parent, especially with the firstborn.  She begins to count down the days together, and then thinks ahead to when you will leave her," Dr. Rogers said looking at Susie.  That sounded accusatory, even if Susie couldn't exactly do anything about it.  "And then when you leave her, she realizes she will be all alone.  With your father of course, but 'empty nest' syndrome nevertheless rears its ugly head."

            "Oh," Susie breathed.

            "Yes," Dr. Rogers said with a grim smile.  "I'm afraid your mother was carrying quite a burden for some time.  It was bound to break sooner or later if she didn't have a break.  That's why I'm advising your father to take some time off for the two of them to get away for a few days."

            "Daddy didn't say that," Susie murmured.

            "It's not about us, Susie," I said sharply.

            "Thank you, Katey.  What I need you girls to understand is the support your mother will need now.  I'm not asking you to baby her.  But instead of planning to go away for college, Katey, focus on celebrating graduation.  The connotations, for a parent, differ and the positive attitude of graduation should help.  I don't know home life between the two of you, but refrain from fighting at all costs," Dr. Rogers said firmly.  

"But most of all, understand this is nothing to be ashamed of," he said, emphasizing the point by tapping on the file folder.  "I've seen this before, and I've seen too many people who just try to push through it, not understanding that their body is shutting down emotionally, mentally, and eventually physically."

I swallowed nervously and nodded meekly.  Susie just stared at Dr. Rogers through hard eyes.  He gave me a kind smile and then nodded.

"Would you please send in your father?  I'd like to speak with him," he said, motioning to the door.  I nodded and stood.

"C'mon, Susie," I hissed.  She stood stiffly and followed me out.  She could be such a brat sometimes.

"He wants to talk to you now, Daddy," I said once we were out of the office.  Daddy stood quickly and glanced at the receptionist.  She smiled and motioned for him to go inside.  Daddy gave us each a kiss on the head as he swept past and closed the door behind him.  Susie sank into a chair with a loud sigh.

"Maybe if I have a breakdown Daddy'll take me on vacation," she said.   I couldn't tell if it was self-pity or defense.

"Oh, shut it," I snapped, sitting beside her.  I stared at the rug as though it were the most interesting thing in the room.  And thinking that I wanted Javier to take me from all this.


	8. I Wanna Dance

Chapter Eight

            Mama came home and it was the most awkward time I could ever recall.  Susie and I wanted to act like nothing was wrong, and yet it was all we could do to look her in the eye.  I felt horrible.  I was ashamed of my mother.  _ashamed_.

            Dr. Rogers suggested Mama start up something for fun: something that brought her no stress, only unadulterated pleasure.  Daddy signed up for weekly dance sessions at the community center.  Most of the people there were older, or taking lessons for their weddings.  They were rusty, stiff, and clearly not dancers.  But Mama didn't care.  She would take the floor and it was then I saw real pleasure on her face.  She forgot everything else when Daddy took her to the floor.

            Meanwhile, my graduation was drawing closer.

 Seniors were taking day trips to the beach, skipping as many days of school as they could afford.  There were times I was one of three or four in my classes.  Those days, teachers gave a slight smile and refused attendance.  They'd sit at their desk and pretend to not watch as the other students slipped out the door to find something more interesting to do.  I finished several novels in just a few weeks' time.

            It was hard to prepare for my graduation and not prepare all at the same time.  Mama, trying hardest to ignore everything that had happened, insisted on having a party in the backyard a few days after graduation.  I looked at her dubiously when she made this suggestion.

            "I don't have many friends here," I told her honestly.  Mama gave that prim laugh and cupped my face with one of her hands.

            "Well, we'll just see about that.  Invite whoever you want, darling," she patronized.  It was all I could do to keep from jerking away from her hand.  I didn't know what I expected from her or what I wanted from her.  I loved Mama; why couldn't that be enough?  Why did she always have to make things so complicated?

            Before my eyes I watched Susie grow.  She picked up on all the details Mama left off.  There wasn't anything around the house Susie wouldn't do.  I'm not sure Daddy ever realized how much Susie actually did.

            Two days before graduation, Daddy called home from work.

            "Hi, kiddo. How was your last exam?" he asked me cheerily.

            "Fine.  Environmental science.  Not sure if I got an A on the exam but I'll get one in the class either way," I said absently, cradling the phone on my shoulder as I grated carrots for dinner.

            "Fine, fine," Daddy said.  I don't think he heard a word I said.  "Look, kiddo, I thought we could go out to dinner tonight, you know, a kind of pre-graduation celebration.  You think you can get the word out and have everybody ready by six?"

            I looked down at the carrot scrapings in the sink and rolled my eyes.  It was just like Daddy to do something like this.

            "Sure.  Mama's taking a nap right now, and Susie's at a friend's house.  I'll try and round up everyone." I bit back a sigh.

            "Great.  See you in a few!" I heard the click as his receiver hit the cradle.  With a dejected sigh, I quickly dialed the Graber's number and requested that they send home Susie.  I then finished my summer salad and put it in the refrigerator for another night.

            "Mama?" I knocked on the door gently and poked my head around it.  I hadn't woken her: she was sitting in bed, reading her dog-eared copy of _Gone With The Wind_.  She looked up and smiled at me.

            "Daddy says he wants to go to dinner tonight and to have everyone ready by six," I informed her.

            "Oh, was that Dad on the phone?" she asked, putting down the book and stretching.  "I think I can manage that.  Thank you, Katey."

            By 5:45 I sat impatiently in the family room, trying to read.  I could hear Susie upstairs, still getting ready for a night out.  I hadn't heard a sound from Mama's room, but I had faith that she was nearly ready.  Nearly, anyway.  Seemed that I was the only one in this family that had any sense of punctuality.  Or maybe I just didn't care what I looked like in public.  After another glance out the window in hopes of seeing Daddy's car pull in the drive, I settled down to try and finish _Animal Farm_.

            I was barely engrossed in the story when I heard the sound of an engine coast into our drive and shut off.

            "Daddy's here, let's go!" I shouted to the house.  Suddenly it seemed terribly important to get out of this confining house.

            I flung open the front door and skipped out to meet Daddy.  He had just stepped out of the car and turned to greet me with a smile.  I saw the figure of another person in the car and I stopped my flight rather un-gracefully.

            "I brought a guest for dinner, I hope no one minds," Daddy said, as a lean man stepped out of the passenger side door.  I felt like melting, screaming, and crying all at the same time.  I don't remember exactly what I decided out of the three.  All I remember was his smile.


	9. Shall We Dance

Chapter Nine

         That brilliant, cocky smile offset warm eyes the most sensual shade of brown I could ever remember.  I don't remember feeling my legs but somehow I made it into his arms.  Those brown arms I had envisioned around me every night were finally and really here.  I felt like an idiot as tears smarted my eyes.  I actually hadn't dared to look into his face yet.  I just wanted him to hold me forever.  I heard footsteps and a door close as Daddy went inside to get Mama and Susie.

         "You're here," I choked out, kissing the arm that was wrapped around my shoulders.  "You're here, you're here, you're here," I repeated like a fool.  Javier laughed and I looked up to meet his eyes.

         "And miss you graduate?" he said, his voice laced with his rolling Spanish accent.  "I think of you always, Katey."

         "I had almost forgotten what your voice sounded like."  The thought tumbled out of my mouth as I reached up to touch his face.  I saw a sad light flicker in his eyes as he leaned down to kiss me.  All the neighbors saw.  They had to have seen.  And I didn't care.  They could tell my mother, they could tell my friends; they could tell the world that I was kissing a Cuban boy.  And loving every minute of it.

         Javier brought magic to dinner that had been lacking for months.  Mama smiled and she and Daddy even held hands before and after the meal.  Susie was allowed to be a teenager again, instead of a sober sentinel.  Mama and Daddy hadn't gotten to know Javier before we left.  So the night was full of curious, daresay probing, questions about Javier and his life.  He kept my hand clasped tightly in his own below the table.  His grip never faltered for a moment.  I was the luckiest girl alive and could barely take my eyes off him.

         How Daddy managed to get Javier a pass into the country, I'll never know.  It was temporary, and he was only staying until just after my graduation party.  I wanted to spend every hour between now and then with him.  Sleep wasn't necessary.  After dinner and a little dancing, Daddy took us all home.  Javier and I sat on the front step, watching the sun go down.

         The pink of the sky was beginning to mingle with dusky purple when Javier turned to me.

         "I hear you have beaches," Javier said, with his mischievous smile.

         "A few," I said.  "But you know if you've seen one beach, you've seen them all."

         "Let's see them all," he said, taking my hand and leading me to the car.  "But you drive."

         Early June wasn't tourist season yet; the breeze was too steady and water too cool for a typical day at the beach.  As familiar as an old glove, we took off our shoes and walked hand in hand along the shoreline.  I made myself aware of every sensation of his hand touching mine.  I wasn't sure when I could have this again.

         "Do you like your new home?" Javier asked after a comforting silence.

         "It's nice.  But lonely," I answered honestly, meeting his eyes.  He smiled sadly and slipped his hand out of mine to encircle my waist.  He pulled me against him and kissed my head.  I had dreamed about him for months.  But now he was really here and I was in his arms.

         "I miss you," he said softly.  My breath caught.  I wasn't overly romantic—at least I didn't think I was.  I'd read enough to know what the difference between infatuation, lust, and love was.  As I felt my knees grow weak I thought, _this is the real thing_.  He laughed as I leaned against him, barely able to support my own weight.  We sank down, facing each other in the sand.  With a light brown finger, he traced my face then drew it close for a tender kiss.

         "Oh, Javier, you have no—-I missed you so much," I said as tears smarted in my eyes.  "Please let me go back with you."

         Javier shook his head firmly. "No.  Katey, you can go to school!  That is a great thing.  I know how to read and write, but very bad.  I can't read English well.  And I know nothing of great books or great people.  No.  If you love me, you will do this."

         It was the first time either of us had spoken it.  It was understood.  A girl didn't just sleep with just anybody—-at least, this girl didn't.  Those special shared moments…they all added up just right.  But why did it take so long to say it?  I guess I was afraid that a person couldn't fall in love in two months time.  But as I looked at him, how could I not?

         "I do love you," I responded quietly, barely heard over the waves, for his ears only.  A smile lit his features.

         "I love you, Katey Miller."  His lips were tender but passionate… like him.  My arms encircled his neck as I pulled him down onto the sand.  I felt my skin electrified at his touch.

         "No," he said, pulling away.  I didn't try to mask the surprise and hurt.  I didn't understand.  It's not like this was something completely new.

         "Katey, I love you.  But I cannot be with you again until you're mine," he said firmly, his brown eyes searching my face.

         "But you have me.  All of me," I said in confusion.  My fingers trailed along the hairline of his neck.  He smiled and pulled my hands away.

         "Things are different," he said, propping himself on his elbows on either side of me.  "People don't like…expression.  I don't want you to get hurt."

         "So, until this is mine," he said, lifting my left hand and kissing the ring finger.  "I wait for you."  I had hoped we'd get married.  I realized I'd let my passion and the night carry me away in Havana.  But after him, how could I marry anyone else?  I didn't want anyone but him.

         I was completely speechless.  That usually happened around guys, but it happened too often with him.  He knew just how to get into my heart.

         "Does this scare you?" he asked gently, pushing my hair from my face and stroking my cheek.  I opened my mouth and wanted to deny it.  Then I remembered the dance instructor.

         "Yes," I said firmly.  He held back a smile.

         "Yes, what?"

         "Yes…I am afraid."  At this he grinned and met my lips again.  It was all I could do to stop time and just remain like this forever.  His lips touching mine, my hands in his hair and the ocean calling us home.

         "You make me feel like anything is possible.  And I don't want to let you down," I murmured when our lips parted. 

            He shook his head and answered, "You never let me down.  You only surprise me." 

            Me?  Surprising?  He had to be joking.  Susie thought I was the biggest bore.  Didn't she once say I didn't know how to have fun?

         "Come on," he said finally.  I groaned in protest.  He grinned at ruining my contentment as he stood and brushed the sand off his trousers.  Javier held out his hands, which I obliging took and stood.

         "Javier, when can you come to America?" I asked as we started down the beach again.

         "Katey.  It will be some time.  It took much to get a travel card just to come here for a week."

         "A passport."

         "Yes, smarty, passport," he said, nudging me playfully.  "If things get better… Cuba is my home.  My family…I want to make things better for them.  But maybe we would not have to move.  Maybe Castro can make things better for Cuba."

         "But what if he doesn't?"

         "We will worry about tomorrow when it comes," he said gently.  I sighed.  This wasn't what I had wanted to hear.  I wanted a plan.  Something definite I could cling to for hope.

         "What about a projected goal?" I said, hopping in front of him.  He paused.

         "A what?"

         "Let's say…when I graduate, if things aren't better there, we move your family here.  Four years, almost five, that's plenty of time to see if Castro can do anything."

         "You are so sure it will not be better," Javier responded curtly. I could see the pride flashing in his eyes.  I know that his father died for the cause, but let's face it…some people died for the Nazi's cause, too.  Just because we lay our life down for it doesn't mean it's the best decision, it just means we stand behind it.  But I couldn't tell Javier that.

         "No… I want it to get better.  But I just don't know that it can," I said as gently as possible.  Javier started to turn away angrily and I grabbed his arm to stop him. "Listen to me.  I mean, Cuba has been flooded with revolutions and overthrows for decades.  How can you be sure this one man stands for all that you believe?  He didn't do anything to earn your trust.  If anything, I'd be cautious about him because we know he's volatile enough to throw someone else out of power!"

         Javier looked at me.  "I have to try," he replied evenly.

         "I know you do and I'm glad you believe it.  I love your passion," I said, holding his face in my two hands.  He turned to kiss my palm.  "All of it," I added coyly.

         "OK.  But when it does get better in four years.  Will you come?" Javier turned the question for me.  I paused.  I liked America.  Everyone spoke a language I understood.  And, to be honest, I was accustomed to a way of life I wouldn't have in Havana.  I would give up anything for Javier…but years later would I begrudge him that?

         "Yes.  But 'better' means nothing illegal to get by.  Working honestly to earn a living for your family," I warned him.

         "OK," Javier responded, kissing my nose.  "I honestly steal cars for money."  I tried not to laugh.

         "Javier, really."

         "I know, I promise.  Work honestly," he said, crossing his heart.  I laughed.

         "Where did you learn that?"

         "Kids at the hotel.  Is it not right?" he asked in confusion.

         "No, no.  It's perfect," I said, kissing him.


	10. You Make Me Feel Like Dancing

My years at Catham were a blur. I never spent so much time trying to find myself. With Javier, it had come easily. A part of me came alive when I was simply near him. I wanted to do him justice and heed his words. I wanted to find myself, stand alone, and pray that I was someone he could still love.

Years became torturous as relations with Cuba tensed. The Bay of Pigs incident in '61 set me on edge. I developed a nasty habit of twirling a lock of my hair when I was nervous or in deep thought. During that incident, I was both, and needless to say a nervous wreck. I didn't want to see any outcome. I didn't want us to be successful but I didn't want Javier trapped on that island. Every day it seemed like another lock was being thrown.

The girls at school couldn't understand. My roommate, Annie, was the only one who knew the story. I loved my new friends. But they just couldn't understand, no matter how much they wanted to. They had boyfriends at the boy's school nearby, and they laughed and giggled and swapped stories. As Javier had cleverly predicted, I was one of two non-virgins in our group of friends. And even then, Jenny mentioned it once and then never again. Which was more than I could say for myself. But Annie was different. When I needed time alone, she understood, and worked ways to keep the other girls away as well.

As much as I tried to hide that first year…I lived. I went to dances with nice boys, stayed up late and chatted with the girls. I even skipped classes a few mornings when I just didn't feel like waking up. We went to the movies; I joined a book club and otherwise did what I wanted to do instead of what I thought I should do. The music building had numerous practice rooms and even 2 studios. I would sometimes sneak down when others were buried in their books and practice routines Javier and I had danced. If I closed my eyes tight enough, I could feel the humid air of Cuba and see the street musicians again. I played a few Latin/Salsa records that the dance instructor at the hotel had given me and danced until my legs collapsed. The feeling was exhilarating. It would keep me on a high the rest of the week and gave me hope for the future.

"Last exam on Thursday and then I'm out of here," Jenny said, tossing her brown curls as she took a drag on her cig outside our dorm.

"I think I'm going to miss this place," Therese said fondly. We were sitting on the cement steps leading up to the dorm, Jenny, Therese and myself. Therese drew up her feet and tucked her dress around her.

"I'll miss you guys, but I don't know that I'll miss this place," Jenny said, nudging Therese. "I'm ready for something new."

"Are you working?" Annie said, squeezing into the gap between Therese and me. She had a book in hand and had clearly given up studying for the night.

"A little. Until Gene and I have a little something to settle down with," Jenny said. She always had a certain glow when she mentioned Gene. "My uncle's a doctor and has his own office. He was going to let me work as receptionist for a few months, maybe a year."

"I want to work in Macy's…I mean the big one in New York. The real one, ya know? Always been a fantasy of mine since _Miracle on 32nd Street_," Therese said sweetly. She was our dreamer.

"Want to see Santa, do you?" Annie teased. "What about John?"

John was Therese's long-term boyfriend. I couldn't remember a time they weren't together. He treated her right and was a perfect gentleman. We were all terribly envious.

"Well, he's going to New York for law school," Therese said, a twinkle in her eyes. Jenny gasped and nearly dropped her cigarette.

"Are you _engaged_?" she squeaked, grabbing Therese's arm.

"Well, not exactly," Therese laughed. "It's more like an understanding."

"He better do it before you both leave for New York! I'll never forgive him or you if you don't let us throw you a party!" Annie shrieked practically into my ear. We all took the idea and ran with it, chatting excitedly long past Jenny's cigarette's extinguish.

When we had finished talking about Therese's love life, the topic somehow, much to my chagrin, turned to mine.

"What about you and Michael?" Therese asked pointedly.

"We're just friends. He's going to some med school in Maryland," I shrugged.

"Oh come on, the boy's over the moon for you! And he's adorable! What's the matter with him?" Jenny said, narrowing her eyes.

I held my breath a moment before responding. I'd kept a secret from them for a long time—four years of dancing around the subject and nonchalantly letting it drop. Enough was enough. I just hoped they'd forgive me.

"He's not Javier," I said bravely. I heard my voice waiver a bit and I stared at Therese's brown curls, pretending to be bold. I saw Annie's head snap in my direction.

"Who?" Therese and Jenny asked in unison.

"Javier. Suarez," I continued. "I'm in love with Javier Suarez." It felt good to admit that to the open air. I was in love with Javier and suddenly it didn't matter who knew. In fact, the more people, the better.

"I repeat the question, who is that?" Jenny said exasperatedly.

"He's…well I guess he's my boyfriend, although I haven't seen him in four years so that' a little hard to fathom. But, it's true. I told you I lived in Cuba for about 6 months before the revolution, remember?"

"Well, yeah, but…Katey, that was _ages_ ago!" Therese said in wonder.

"I met Javier there and…he makes me come alive. He taught me how to live and love and laugh," I said, trying not to sound like a sap. "He's so beautiful. He taught me about passion and freedom and independence. Funny how I had to go to another country to learn that," I remarked wryly.

Annie was glowing as she watched me. Was that motherly pride in her look?

"That's all fine and dandy," Jenny said. "But, Katey, you haven't seen him in four years, you said. How…I…I don't quite understand how this works."

"I don't know either. Cuba's taken every turn for the worse. We managed to get a few letters back and forth, but then Castro's iron fist really came down. Since about late 60, early 61, I haven't really heard from him. I don't know if he's even still alive," I murmured. The girls fell silent.

"But I know he has to be. I just _know_. Living without him is torture and once we're together I never want to be apart ever again."

"Why didn't he come to America with you?" Annie asked. She had known about Javier, but very little.

"He was needed at home. His father died in the early-to-mid stages of the revolution. His brother is largely a good-for-nothing, and took to largely underworld dealings. I suspect he's dead by now," I said solemnly. The thought just struck me. Javier's brother wasn't very responsible and he wasn't very shrewd. Passionate, yes, but often rash. "Javier fought for that revolution. He believed in it, as did his father. It was important to him to go back home and try to make it work. His loyalty was blind to any warning signs about Castro's filth."

"So…what happens now?" Therese ventured a question softly.

I sighed.

"I don't know. I want to go live with him in Cuba but…well, I'm not oblivious to the fact that life will be very different. I know I could be happy with Javier wherever we are, but it won't be easy. I wish he could come here."

"If wishes were horses…" Annie said. She cracked a grin. "Sorry, it's what my grandmother always says."

"It's not going to be easy getting into the country, much less getting him out," I continued. "But I have to try."

"I don't want to think about us all leaving. I mean…I'm going to New York, Jenny's going to San Francisco, Annie's going back to Fredericksburg, and _you're_ going to Cuba!" Therese said, her chin falling into her hands.

"I knew it was coming, but we all sound so far away!" Therese said, her voice breaking on fresh tears. Jenny and Annie threw their arms around Therese and I leaned against Annie. We leaned against each other, watching the lightning bugs dart across The Lawn.

Come graduation day, I'd never see Mom or Daddy happier. They were apt to burst with pride and even Susie was glowing. It was only missing one thing. But I was determined not to let that hold me back.

====================

_Four years later…_

After graduation, my friends and I parted, as we knew we would. We somehow still kept in touch, though letters or phone calls came further and farther between as the girls tended to their growing families. I, however, had set my sights on a singular goal and worked steadily towards it. It wasn't always easy. Sometimes writing came to me and I'd be up for 30 hours straight before I remembered to sleep or eat. Other times, it was all I could do to get one sentence on the page. But this book was not only to be a cumulation of what I'd known and experienced, but it would be my return and my gift to Javier.

I'd been in a creative slump for the past week, which was frustrating considering I had less than a chapter left and couldn't push through to the end. I'd called Jenny, out of a bit of lonliness and a distraction.

"You've been working on this for so long," she said thoughtfully on the other end.

"Almost two years. And I didn't even get started until two years after we'd graduated," I added. I sighed and stared at my carefully preserved portfolio resting beside my typewriter. I could hear the metallic clack of the keys in my head, but my fingers didn't wish to comply.

"I expect a free copy, you know," Jenny added firmly. I smiled.

"How long has it been?" Jenny asked suddenly. I held my breath. I knew exactly what she meant.

"I last saw him before I came to Catham. Eighteen."

"Plus four plus four…my my, I do believe you've become an old maid," Jenny ragged. I snorted.

"Me, an old maid? Let's talk about your lack of children, missy. Don't you owe your mother a few grandchildren?" I retorted, knowing that it was a sore topic between Jenny and her mother. Actually, ever since Jenny and Gene married shortly after graduation Jenny's mother had been dropping decidedly _un_subtle hints about the distinct lack of stork pit-stops.

Taking her cue, Jenny groaned in response.

"_Please_," she said and sighed. "She called last night. Poor Gene hid under the bed. But you can't distract me from my original point." Jenny's tone was suddenly grave.

"It's been a long time," she said soberly. That was an obvious understatement. I waited, knowing Jenny wasn't finished yet.

"Katey, I want you to be careful. Are you sure this is the right thing—a good thing for you?"

"Yes," I answered without hesitation.

"Katey," Jenny said, reminding me to answer more slowly, with weighed reason. I took a deep breath and obliged her by tossing around the thoughts that had plagued me the past four years.

"Yes," I said firmly and slowly. "I know people can change. But I can't give up on the greatest love I've ever known," I added carefully, knowing that, despite Jenny's marital bliss, she was still somewhat skeptical about romanticism. "Even if he's not waiting anymore, I have to go…to know."

"OK," Jenny conceded. "But, Katey…be smart."

"I promise," I said, a smiling spreading across my face. "I feel suddenly inspired. I better finish this book."

"Love ya, kid," Jenny concluded. I echoed her sentiments and hung up, feeling a surge of creativity. I sat down in front of the typewriter and relished the satisfaction of hearing the keys respond to my fingers. I would be done and before long, years of dreams would reach an ending—happy or not.


	11. The Dance

I knew it was time. My novel was doing surprisingly well—it must be admitted, more so than I had hoped—and so life was easy. My editor and publisher began dropping hints about a second novel, an idea I promised to entertain. But with everything going "according to plan," I currently had other thoughts on my mind.

When I announced my departure for Cuba, Mama didn't hide her startle. She tried to talk me out of it—subtly, of course—but did not succeed. For whatever reason, the news did not appear to, in fact, be news to Daddy. He took it as he took many things. His eyebrows rose in quiet contemplation and nodded solemnly. He'd always encouraged me to make my own decisions, but I knew that this wasn't one that he'd hoped I'd make. I gathered my earnings, packed my bag, and bought my ticket.

Going through customs was noisy and frankly, a little frightening. There didn't seem to be many people eager to get into the country for an extended stay. In fact, most of the bustle and chaos of customs seemed derived from the running of the organization itself, and not necessarily due to the masses passing through.

Strangely, I had carried my novel in my arms, like a small child. I'd brought one copy, in hopes it might keep me company in this terrifying adventure. As the men briefly checked my belongings, one of the officers motioned to my books. He was a short man, middle-aged as evidenced by the crow's feet and tired lines edging his mouth underneath his thick mustache. He glanced at the book, and his eye caught my picture on the back cover. He glanced at it, then back to me and an unexpected grin spread across his features. He started rattling quickly in Spanish, too quickly for me to follow. He motioned for his colleagues to take notice, but they were unimpressed with the book, its author, and anything the officer had to say. After receiving their shrugs, he turned back to me with an apologetic smile. His hands cradled the book gently as he returned it to me, as though a great treasure were in his possession.

"_Gracias_," he said. "Thank you."

I felt a surge of pride rush through me as I took the book from him. My novel had been a great personal joy. It told of a struggle of the little man against tyranny to overcome. He doesn't necessarily succeed, but I can heartily confess that I took the attitude and nationalism I had experienced in Cuba and used it as my inspiration. To find one person who caught this connection, to find one person to whom the book spoke…it made it all worthwhile.

"No," I said, with a smile, "thank _you_." He beamed and waved me through.

In Havana, the streets were much as I remembered them. The years had taken their tolls, and there were signs of hopeful construction in new areas. But the spirit—the flavor—of the city remained very much the same. I clutched my book tightly and made my way through the winding streets to the house I had always known as Javier's.

A lovely young Cuban girl answered the door. A shy demeanor lent her an innocent childlike quality. There was a slight blush of her cheeks and her silky black hair swung forward to cover her shy downward glance. But no, not a girl—a woman. That was evident from the swelling of her very pregnant belly. I couldn't contain my shock. I looked at her…and just knew.

"Isabel," a voice called from inside. The swift Spanish rolled over me. "Who is it?"

It took me a moment to process everything, but I was glad I'd taken Spanish in college. I'd take years of it, only to come back…to this?

"A white woman," the girl answered. I saw a figure move down the hall from the back of the house.

"What does she want?" Javier paused as he stepped forward into the light of the doorway and now his eyes caught my face. He was no longer the boy I remembered—he was the man I knew he could be. A soft trail of facial hair framed his tanned jaw and his lean frame had gained something of a bulk, although there was no denying that still-lanky frame.

My eyes grazed over him and then flickered back to Isabel. What a stupidly awkward situation. I suddenly hated him for doing this to me. And her. What was I supposed to say? What a fool I was. Jenny was right. I hated it, but she was right.

"Katey," Javier said gently. He glanced at Isabel. His gaze returned to mine and a warm smile spread across his features. "Katey," he said again, stepping forward to embrace me.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to slap him, burst into tears right there in the atrium, and sob until I was dried up inside. Maybe I already was.

"It is good to see you," he spoke in English.

"Really?" I asked, my voice shaking from either tears or anger. I couldn't tell which.

"Really," he said firmly. He watched as my gaze drifted to Isabel, who was standing inside the doorway, still, blushing as ever and her gaze downcast. As if someone were complimenting her and she were too modest to listen straight-faced.

"This is Isabel. Isabel, Katey Miller. I told you about Katey," he said haltingly. Isabel nodded and finally met my gaze. She dipped in what I perceived to be a curtsey and blushed harder. It was getting really annoying.

"Please to meet you," she said. God, would she stop being so damn cute? This was hard enough. Javier leaned towards Isabel and murmured something to her gently in Spanish. She nodded, gave me a parting smile and disappeared.

"Come," Javier said, holding out his hand. I hesitated but slipped into it like an old habit.

"How have you been?" Javier asked, once we were strolling on the beach. _Our_ _beach_, I thought bitterly.

"Fine, thanks."

"I am surprised how you changed. You look more like a woman," Javier said appraisingly.

"You'd be surprised how I've changed," I said quickly in Spanish. He paused. He heard the anger in my tone.

"Katey—"

"No, you listen. How could you do this to us? How could you do this to me?" I rounded on him angrily, tears smarting my eyes. "You knew. No matter what, we were going to work it out. Why did you do this?"

"I will not be my brother," Javier snapped angrily. "She shows up, tells me it is my child. How do I turn her away?"

Hearing those words, I sunk into the sand. Years of dreams were dissolving before my very eyes: slipping through my fingers no matter how hard I clutched at them.

"Katey, I love you," Javier said, kneeling beside me in the sand and reaching for my hand. I pull away, and let my face drop brokenly into my palm. "I make a mistake. I am human: I am weak. But she say this is my child. And so I cannot turn her away."

"How do you know? What if she is taking advantage of you?" I asked desperately. I tentatively met his eyes.

"Katey," he said gently. "I cannot ask that of her."

I knew he couldn't. She would be too insulted and he, despite his situation, did not want to hurt her.

"So, what now?" I asked darkly.

"We are not married," Javier said. He stood over me and I looked up, shielding my eyes from the sun.

"What?" I asked incredulously.

"Isabel and I are not married."

"Do you plan to?"

Javier shrugged and I felt my anger boil.

"What kind of answer is that? What do you plan on doing for her?"

"I did not marry her because I love you! And I knew you would come back!" Javier said swiftly as I rose to my feet.

"That would have been nice if you thought about that before sleeping with her," I shot at him. He stood there silently. I'd cut him deep and the sensation I found in that was a mix of guilt and victory.

"I came here because I was finally able to build a life with you. Not 'want' to… 'able to.' Because I've wanted to for a long time. You know where I got the idea?" I asked, my tone softening. "Ernest Hemingway. He has a house in Cuba. He also has a few other things in Cuba," I added with a smirk. I paused. What could I say? Nothing was going to take away the shock or the hurt. With a sigh, I sunk back onto the sand. Javier continued to stand over me, watching my actions with soulful eyes.

I watched the waves crash onto the shore and thought of my friends: Therese, gleefully back home in Virginia with John and baby Chris; Jenny, our working girl out in San Francisco; Annie teaching and coming home to a family. They were all doing what made them happy. What about me? Why wasn't I happy? The question echoed through my head again, _What about me?_ When did it become about "us" and not "me?" And then, just as suddenly, when did it become about "him" and not "us." I hadn't just lost myself in the "us," I'd abandoned myself in the "him."

Suddenly, I wanted to find myself. I'd spent four years in college finding who I was and standing on my own two feet. But when I was thrust into the real world with nothing but my dreams to hold, I'd forgotten to live. I looked up at him, standing there with fear in his eyes. He really did love me. And I loved him. But I was tired of playing hide-and-seek. Wearily, I stood and brushed the sand off my capris.

"Thank you," I said slowly. Javier was clearly confused and he took a step back.

"Pardon?"

"Thank you. I can't do this anymore but you need to know—I owe you so much. Which is why I can't do this. I owe you _too_ much and as of now I'm paying my debt."

"You speak like your book," Javier said with a lazy grin. He'd read it. I ignored that flame of pride and pressed on.

"You taught me how to love. You taught me how to laugh. You taught me how to _be_ loved," I said gently, taking his hands in mine. "You showed me to stand up for my beliefs and to persevere. I learned about the beauty of life and how to live it. And in spite of all that, I haven't been living my way. I've been living how I thought I should for you."

"You…will not stay?" he asked, the hurt unmasked. I release his hands and turned to look at the ocean, hugging my arms.

"No…no, I think I will stay. Get a house, write. My book is still selling over in the States. It's doing much better than I expected. But suddenly I feel like…I'm not finished," I said, turning to look at him with a smile.

"I love you," Javier said, drawing me close to him. I laid my head on his shoulder and listened to his heartbeat.

"I know. I love you," I sighed. "But I couldn't…I couldn't be the other woman."

"Will I see you?" Javier asked.

"From time to time. I want to explore. Despite all the pain it's caused me, Cuba really is an interesting place. Dangerous and volatile, but intriguing."

Javier pulled me away slightly and looked at me dubiously. I laughed.

"Hey, if it's good enough for Hemingway, it's good enough for me."


	12. Let Us Dance Away

Quick notes Timeline: Ch11 arrived in May when Isabel is 6 months pregnant.

August 3 mo later, Hector's birth

February 6 mo later, Ch.12

For the reviewer who asked, Ch. 11 was entitled "The Dance" because Katey was finally taking action. She found her feet and followed them to Cuba, finally acting on the hope and love she'd thrived on for years.

First, dear Readers, you must understand the gravity by which this final chapter comes to you. I had spent the better part of a morning/early afternoon refining and creating the conclusion of this saga. By the most frustrating of circumstances, the disk it was to be saved on and transferred to my computer at a later time, had an error on it. This wiped my chapter—erased, fineto, gone. Yes, even great artists threw away works from time to time. However, this work was good and wasn't meant to be tossed. It was pretty gosh darn good, if I say so myself. Ah, well, technology. It was a week before I had the heart to start again. But now, from much agony, the (beginning to the) conclusion of our tale.

Chapter Twelve

Cuba welcomed me with open arms. I found a house on the shore—well, a mansion, really. The villa was too large for one person, but I didn't care. I was still sore at Javier and found it comforting to have something over him. For the first month, I didn't even venture upstairs. But it wasn't long before the old charm of the place won me over and by the third month, I'd begun a decorating frenzy in order to make it my own. It was fairly removed from neighbors, which meant it was perfect for the aspiring writer. I rejected numerous proposals from Javier over the past six months. I still loved him, but I would look into the adoring face of his son and realize I could not stand in the way. I wanted them—Isabel and Hector— to be happy.

I heard from Mama and Daddy often enough. They kept me abreast of various going-ons at home. Most of the time, the news wasn't big, but it was nice to have communication nonetheless. The letters always looked a little worse-for-wear when they arrived, so I carefully advised them not to divulge anything…controversial. It was just before Hector's birth in August that Derek, Susie's boyfriend, proposed. Letters of the months following were filled with wedding plans and singing Derek's praises. Susie's wedding was set for early next year, February. I had time to prepare.

I knew I had to go. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get back into the country, but it was a risk I was willing to take. I couldn't forgive myself if I didn't attend…and Susie wouldn't either. So I hatched a plan and made friends with the sailors at the pier. "Stowaway" wasn't the exact word exchanged, but they got the point. Much to my own astonishment, I whiled away many hours there. Some of the men were crass, most were much more intelligent than I had mistakenly assumed. They were eager to talk politics in hushed, urgent tones. Talking with them improved my Spanish accent, and I in turn, helped improve their English.

"You should not be down there," Javier said with a frown when I told him of my recent activities. It was Friday evening, our traditional night for dinner together: we all sat down as one small, if dysfunctional, family. Isabel spent most of the meal focused on feeding six-month-old Hector.

"Thank you but I'll do as I please," I said firmly. Isabel's eyes glanced up at me, then returned downcast.

"You do not understand. Many of them are part of underground groups," Javier continued, shaking his head.

"Then perhaps you'd like to see some of your old friends?"

"Katey," said Javier, his patience wearing thin, "I do not think you should be down there."

"I thank you for your concern, but it's the only way home and back."

"Why must you go at all?" Javier asked with a frown.

"This is my sister's _wedding_. I have to try," I answered. Hector gurgled from his seat and tried to clutch the spoon. Exasperated, Isabel twisted it out of his reach. I glanced at her and decided to let the matter drop. Javier noticed this as well and no more was said on the matter.

When Isabel finished feeding the baby, she tossed the spoon on the table with indifference. Muttering something under her breath in Spanish, I watched as she breezed out of the room. This didn't seem to bother either Hector or Javier. I opened my mouth to ask, but caught the look of warning in Javier's eyes. Again, I fell silent.

The following gray and rainy Sunday gave me a perfect excuse to write. I secluded myself in my room upstairs and pounded away at the typewriter. When I could no longer see the words on the page, I decided it had been a productive day. I felt suddenly ravenous and wandered downstairs to make dinner and start proofreading. I took a glass of wine upstairs with me and began to review my work by candlelight. The rain beat a comforting rhythm against my windows.

A knock on the door downstairs interrupted my reverie. I was in the midst of rewriting a paragraph and answered only with a shout. Sound didn't carry that well in the house; I hoped the visitor would either give up or wait. The pounding started again. I continued to scribble furiously, determined not to break my creative streak. I heard the door scrape against the tile in the hall as it was opened.

"Hello? Katey?"

"Upstairs!" I shouted over the pour of rain on the roof. I was aware of footsteps on the stairs, but only looked up when a shadow in the door caught my eye. Javier stood just inside the door, rain dripping onto his face like erratic tears from his dark hair. With but a few swift strides, he crossed the room. My upturned face had barely formed the question when his cold, wet lips crashed onto mine.

It was the first touch we'd had since Hector was born six months ago. But that was only a congratulatory hug. This sent me reeling and I suddenly remembered why I had come to Cuba.

He released me and knelt in front of my chair.

"Please. Do not go," he said, brushing my hair away from my face.

"I—what's going on?" I asked stupidly. Why was I having such a damn time catching my breath?

"If you leave, you will not come back," Javier said finally. I took these words and tried to clear my head of the rushing blood.

"I have to try. I am coming back; that's why I am arranging things with the boys at the pier," I said in confusion.

"What if you cannot?" he asked, his brown eyes melting me on the spot.

"Then I cannot. Javier, I can't stay here forever. I don't belong to you. I am here because I want to. And I will leave because I want to."

"Then let me come," he said.

"No!" I replied, horrified. "You have a family. Hector, Isa—"

"You do not understand," he said sharply, standing up. "You are my family. You are who I love."

"Please don't do this, Javier," I said quietly. "I thought we finished this discussion last May."

"Let's take Hector and leave," Javier answered, grabbing my hands. The wild idea danced in his eyes. I saw a familiar smile of hope spread across his face.

"No!" I argued, standing. "Javier, this is not right! I cannot take Isabel's life!"

"She does not love us!" Javier shouted as the rain descended harder on the roof. A flash of lightening and rumble of thunder passed before he spoke again.

"Isabel comes to me last year and tells me it is my child. One night of human weakness and I am repaid. I waited for you, Katey. I had faith in us. But, I could not turn her away. Her mother sent her out and she had nowhere to go."

I sat back down, quietly listening to Javier's tale. He paced across the room, running a hand through his hair distractedly. He flung drops of water everywhere, so I discreetly leaned on my stack of papers to protect the ink.

"She is…good, at first. She cleans house and takes care of me. But then, just before Hector is born, she becomes…different. I thought maybe when the baby comes, she will be OK. But it has only made her worse," Javier said, turning to me in desperation.

"She goes out at night, leaves Hector alone sometimes if I am not there. She does not tell me where she goes, but I think I know. She meets a man, maybe more than one. At home, sometimes she just lets Hector cry." Javier sighed. "I love my son. He does not deserve her.

"She makes me sleep on the couch. She refuses to share a bed with me," Javier added tiredly. I bit my tongue and refrained from saying anything hurtful.

"You better not be lying to me," I said slowly in a dark tone.

"I would not lie! You can ask anyone in town, she has made me a joke." Javier sat on the edge of my bed. Defeated, his head fell into his hands.

"No, you're not a joke. Javier, please…is this all true?" I asked, wanting to believe him.

"Yes. She is subdued when you come. She does not want to give you victory."

_Well…that's spiteful_, I thought in surprise. _And here I was, playing to her injured animal routine. _Cautiously, I joined him on the bed. I reached up and took his hand in mine.

"Katey, if you leave…if you cannot come back…" Javier's voice trailed off, as though he dare not imagine what would become of him.

"I cannot take you away. But I promise I will return."

Javier gave me a weak smile and kissed my hand, as though he did not really believe me. I watched his actions with fascinated eyes. Still holding my right hand in his, he reached up with his left and brushed his thumb over my lips. When I did not cower away, he leaned in and kissed me softly. I felt the familiar rush come over me as I leaned into his touch. Suddenly, I was eighteen again, throwing inhibitions into a warm December night. I could hear the rush of the ocean in my ears and the seclusion surrounding us. I was eighteen again, and he was my world.


	13. Could I Have This Dance?

Chapter Thirteen

The start of a morning rain woke me. I lazily stretched my toes into the cool corners of the bedsheets. It was then I remembered and felt the presence of the warm body sleeping beside me. I froze in horror. I'd finally done it. I was "the other woman." Touching Javier and, in turn, being held by him had only worsened my situation: I knew wasn't ready to give him up again. And I didn't want to. But I still knew it wasn't my place to decide. I rolled over and faced the window, unable to watch the breath rise and fall out of him.

"Good morning, Beautiful," he said gently, kissing my shoulder. I didn't answer as I heard him slide his arm underneath his head to prop it up.

"I know you are awake," he teased, poking my back. Despite my best efforts, I felt tears rise.

"I am awake," I choked out. I hastily wiped at my eyes and rolled over. It was a losing battle; I can't hide anything from him.

"What is it? What…what did I do?" he asked, his arms gently slipping around me.

"I can't do this. I didn't want this to happen. I love you and it's not fair!" I cried petulantly.

"It's not fair to love me?" Javier asked skeptically.

"It's not fair that I have to give you up. I don't want to be 'the other woman.' I want to be _the _woman." I looked up at him as I said this. His warm eyes were filled with love and pride.

"I am glad I am so persuasive," Javier said mischievously. I rolled my eyes and he laughed. "Then let's go away from here."

"No. You have a family. You said you did not want to be like your brother, once. You would be no better than he if you were to leave them."

"Katey, I told you. Isabel does not care," he said in a firmly rolling accent. "She sleeps with other men and tells me she hates me. I would not care, but she say--she say she does not love Hector, either," Javier said quietly, as though the child might hear even now.

"But…he's her son!" Javier's words were astounding. Could a woman truely resent her own child?

"To her, he is everything that keeps her here. She must love him…but I think she hates that she loves him, perhaps? Because of him, she does not leave. But I wish she would."

"Don't," I said, reaching up to touch the scruffy hair framing his face. She had made him so bitter. She wasn't the only one who was trapped—he was trapped, too.

"If you leave me, I have no hope," Javier murmured, kissing my forehead. I sighed. Again with this argument.

"I am coming back. I am not leaving," I replied tiredly. "I will go whether you want me to or not. And I will return."

Javier sighed and we lay in silence, listening to the rain against the windows.

"I'll miss you," he said finally. I paused a moment, taking time to note the warmth radiating from where my skin touched his. I'd missed him.

"I will come back," I said firmly, taking his face in my hands and giving him a persistent kiss. As the kiss deepened, I realized that things could never go back. Not like they were before. I wanted him to hold me forever.

Sunday became our day. Friday evening I ate dinner with their family and had Saturday to myself, as I so often had the many other days of the week. But Sunday, rain or shine, Javier would come after suppertime. Sometimes we made love, other times it was enough to be in the other's company. I felt a sense of guilty pleasure whenever he touched me. The stupidly horrifying question that plagued me was _what would my mother say if she knew?_ But finally…I didn't care.

On the appointed day of departure, Javier and Hector came to see me off. They stood on the pier: Javier waving morosely, Hector gurgling innocently. I blew them a kiss, then quickly headed below to wipe away my tears. I refused to stand on the deck and watch them shrink into nothing. That wasn't a memory I wanted to keep.

The sailors were obliging as long as I stayed out of their way. I had a small suitcase that consequently contained most of my possessions, stowed away in the cargo area below. The trip to Puerto Rico felt like it took eons. I didn't have time to get seasick—I was too haunted by the hopeless look on Javier's face as I had stepped onto the gangplank.

"I will come back," I whispered reassuringly to myself.

My family greeted me warmly at the pier, and didn't even look twice at the small ship I had arrived on. It was due to return me in five days, exactly two days after Susie's wedding.

Susie played the role of beautiful blushing bride well. Derek stood at the front of the church, looking fit to burst. I felt my heart warm with joy for Susie as she took Derek's hand and gazed into his eyes with excitement. She reveled in the attention lavished on her, as she well deserved. The entire ceremony and reception went without a hitch, which actually didn't surprise me since I knew that Mama had taken charge of most of the proceedings.

And yet, as I had watched the proceedings, part of me felt envious: I saw the look in their eyes that Javier and I had so often shared. But I reminded myself that it was enough to be returning to him soon. It had to be enough.

Mama and Daddy and I went to dinner and dancing clubs and tried to forget that everything had changed. But I couldn't forget. Little Susie was married and I was having an affair in Cuba. No, things weren't the same at all. Mama only mentioned the "dreaded island" once.

"Where are you living?" she asked one evening as we sat down to dinner.

"I bought a house on the coast. It's really lovely," I said warmly, thinking of the large villa I had come to regard as home.

"And how is Javier?" Daddy asked, taking a bite of roasted chicken. I knew that there was another question that plagued them more than my address: _were Javier and I together?_

"He's…very well. He got a job in a local hospital, actually. Not a nurse…more of an orderly. It pays well enough and keeps him occupied," I said, trying to keep my voice nonchalant.

"And you and he are…" Mama let her question trail off and waved her fork around, as though trying to conjure up the rest of her sentence.

"It's…more complicated than I anticipated," I said, glancing down at my plate. A picture of young Hector grinning up at his father flashed through my mind; I suddenly had no appetite. My parents remained silent, waiting for me to continue.

"He…has a child," I said. The words sounded strange even to me. He had a child and it wasn't mine. "Things are…different there. A girl...Isabel...showed up pregnant and so…here we are."

"And the baby?" Daddy asked gently.

"A little boy, Hector. He's so beautiful. I can't…I can't take away their chance at a family."

Mama exhaled. She must have been holding her breath the past minute and a half.

"Dear, I'm so sorry. Maybe, then…maybe it's time for you to come home," she said hopefully, and reached across the table to pat my hand. I watched her movements mutely.

Home? Back here with the noise and crowds? Where I'd be faced with people trying to set me up on dates, determined not to see me be an "old maid?" Home was Cuba with its open air, and unassuming charm. It took me as I was and no one questioned it. For all the opportunities America offered, it didn't offer me complete freedom. Freedom is love. Love is Javier.

"This isn't home anymore," I said softly. I raised my eyes to meet the astonished faces of Mama and Daddy. "Tony Bennett left his heart in San Francisco. I left my home in Havana."

"If that's how you really feel, kiddo…" Daddy finally said.

"I'm sorry, but it is. I love it there. I feel free to write and be me. I miss you guys, but…a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do," I said, a smile inching across my features. Mama didn't meet my eyes but instead took a few quiet bites of supper. She was hurt now, but she'd pull herself together and get over it. She still had Susie and Derek. Perhaps one day Javier and I would be back. But not until we could be together, of that much I was certain.

"_Senorita_," a voice called me from above. "We pull into port now. Will you wait?" Stupidly, I nodded before finding my voice.

"_Si_," I answered back cautiously. I was to wait until they had unloaded most of the cargo onto the pier. It was then that I would be able to best slip away unnoticed, in the bustle of activity. I stood beside the stairs, clutching my suitcase tightly. The men came down and began lifting boxes. Many gave me encouraging winks or nods and I returned their favors with a taut smile. After I'd seen the same man ascend the steps three times, I quickly ducked behind one of the crewmen and followed him out. Just as planned, I kept in line with them and skittered along the port, ducking behind the cargo. There was never any real danger, but I allowed myself to excite over the possibility. The adrenaline caused my head to practically swim as I darted along. Before I knew it, I was back in town, with familiar shopkeepers nodding at me in greeting. Thrilled to be home, I ran along the streets, taking corners sharply and acting positively giddy over what I considered to be one of my more daring accomplishments. Obviously, I lived a sheltered life.

The familiar gate soon loomed before me. I slipped my hand through the bars and pulled at the latch expertly from the opposite side. It creaked and clanged as I threw it open and leapt up to the front door. I grinned to myself, thinking of Javier in his despondency. He was so sure I would not return. Though he loved and trusted me, I know that the dark cloud Isabel hung over him, draining his hope. I would feel it each Sunday he came to me, the desperation in his touch and the disquiet in his eyes. After awhile, the look would be erased and he would return to the laughing, loving Javier I knew. But I could always count on her presence taking its toll on him so that he might return on Sunday just as he had before.

I knocked resolutely, practically jumping in place. No answer. My spirits unchanged, I knocked again, this time also calling out.

"Javier? Isabel? Hello?" I said, hoping to catch someone's attention. Still no answer. Curious, my hand found the doorknob and I opened it tentatively. The wood swung open to reveal the hall and rooms I knew as well as my own.

"Hello? Anyone home?" I called out, shutting the door behind me. I peered into the kitchen, expecting to see Isabel scrubbing at the floor or rolling dough on the table. Empty. As was each room I ventured into. Empty. Empty. Empty.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, fear clutching my heart. I stared into Javier & Isabel's room. This wasn't right. It was too late for Isabel to be at the market…Javier most likely was at work, but even he was home usually this late in the afternoon. And Hector…he must be with Isabel, wherever she is…right?

A thought struck me with terror and I bit my lip. I weakly made it to the bed and sat down wishing that my worst fears were nowhere near accurate. I curled up on the bed, realizing my exhaustion and tried to push the thoughts of out my mind.

In all of Javier's protests of my leaving him forever, it hadn't occurred to me he could take the opportunity to do the same.


	14. Save the Last Dance

A/N: I was going to draw this out, but I figured...no. So, finally, the conclusion to our saga...

Chapter Fourteen

My eyes fluttered open as a felt a light tingle trace down my cheek. A pair of laughing brown eyes stared back at me. I bolted upright, clutching his wrist and his fingers curled into my hair.

"I thought you'd gone," I said breathlessly. He only smiled and met my lips gently. I made the kiss persistent, remembering the paranoia that had haunted me when I had found the house empty.

"You know, it has always been so easy to get you in bed," Javier said as we pulled away. I pretended to be appalled and pushed at him. He laughed and leaned over me again with kisses tender and free. I leaned back, feeling my nerves explode in fireworks all up and down my spine. I draped my arms over his neck and invited him.

"I have good news," he said, pulling away and stroking the hair from my face.

"This news is good enough," I said, pulling him down for another kiss. He laughed.

"No, better. Well, better, I guess, if you want a family," he said, cocking his head to the side.

"What?"

"Isabel left me. She never loved me, but she was a jealous woman. She saw how I miss you, and thought she would show me a lesson by leaving," Javier said, still laughing. I glanced over his shoulder at the vanity table. That's what had seemed off—there were no feminine trinkets gracing the polished wood.

"That is why the house was empty?" I asked.

"_Si_," he answered, kissing my neck.

"But Hector—"

"Is sleeping in his room now. I leave him with a neighbor when I go to work. But I thought, maybe now you would like to take care of him instead?"

"I don't believe this," I said, trying to process it all. I leave for a week and all my dreams come true. Javier and I could be together now…really together. That look of desperation no longer hid behind his gaze. Instead, it was the look of a man finally free.

"You don't believe me?" he asked, pretending to be hurt.

"It's all so perfect. It's amazing how simple things seem now," I said in amazement. I felt tears of joy smarting behind my eyes.

"If you want, I could make things complicated. Perhaps see other women, lose my job…" Javier said thoughtfully. Instead of arguing, I pulled him down into a sultry kiss, arching my back and pressing myself against him. I saw the smoke in his eyes as I pulled away.

"Or maybe not," he said, a wide grin breaking across his tanned features. One day we would have to leave, I knew. One day we would have to find a way to America, for Hector and our children to come. But that wasn't today. For now, we danced.

A/N: To my faithful readers—it's been wonderfully encouraging to receive comments that expressed satisfaction with this story. I think some of you may have enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. (well, except for that file deletion mishap) Thanks for sticking with me! I would have loved to have Javier & Katey back in the States. But, for now, Cuba is where they belong. I almost hate closing a story because…well, it's nice to have something to keep me company, so to speak. Perhaps I'll sit down and write another fic that's been begging to be set free, if you will. For now, thank you for your time!


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